So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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