I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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