I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize