it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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