Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
