Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
