he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
