Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I will pee on everything he values.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
