I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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