Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
