Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
then he tried to convert me to islam
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
