I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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