pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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