OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
