first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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