true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
