i may or may not be watching the land before time
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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