at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just blew my weed a kiss
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
