Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
