She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
