gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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