just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
