Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
