I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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