You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
