So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
