the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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