I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
