you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
