No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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