Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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