i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
