Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
