If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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