He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am available for nakedness
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
