fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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