We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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