so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
