: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
