Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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