You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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