I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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