My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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