69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize