You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
