If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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