The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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