Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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