Already got asked if we're dating
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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