I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
