It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
