The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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