Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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