I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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