his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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