I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
