Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
