i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
