i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize