You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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