ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
