I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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