it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
