We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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