I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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