4 words: hood of his car
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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