Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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