Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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