So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
