You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
